Fiona's Quiet Life

I sup­pose it is a form of depres­sion this feel­ing as though i am tangled in a spiders web and ‚apart from the occa­sional struggle, not hav­ing the energy to get myself out of it..it is not all bad by any means , i have been laugh­ing and dan­cing and enjoy­ing the com­pany of good friends but i am still feel­ing battered and list­less, there is so much to do but all i want to do is sit in the corner of my comfy couch and play speedy bubbles on the laptop, i know it is early days ( 5 months since Basil died and 3 weeks since Mother died ) yet and things will get better.….…i must “get a grip of myself “. I will get a grip of myself.

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yes­ter­day Judy seduced me into hav­ing more curry.…..my fridge is now full of sam­o­sas and chutney.

him upstairs told me his partner’s father has just had a lung removed, it set me to won­der­ing what hap­pens to the space where the lung was,do they put in a bag of air or does the other lung expand to fill the space, did you know if you get a testicle removed and a false one put in it floats, did you indeed want to know that, per­haps not.

went today and signed some­thing to do with mother’s old flat, i was sup­posed to do it yes­ter­day but for­got, i must get the rub­ber gloves on and clean it up to sell. Gor­don wants an antique book­case and i man­aged to fit it in the car by put­ting the back seats down so i shall drive it to Den­mark soon as it is now clut­ter­ing up my hallway.

seem to have another dose of the com­mon cold, another gift from Judi next door, this is get­ting silly , i would have thought my res­ist­ance would be get­ting back to nor­mal by now.

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yes­ter­day i thought i had bet­ter get on with doing use­ful things like sort­ing out all my bits of paper and also sort­ing out all my mother’s bits of paper and dis­pos­ing of thou­sands of bits of paper that Basil kept for no reason so there are now wee piles of paper every where and bin bags full so paper to either shred or burn and a wee heap of paper that i really must get done for my income tax because the longer i keep put­ting it off the worse it seems in my mind.

but today i had another lovely day uptown with my niece, she was in Glas­gow to col­lect her young man’s pass­port and was to phone me when she was ready , so i went to John Lewis and did a little sale shop­ping then looked at my phone ..dead as a door knob.…..panic, so i rushed in the dir­ec­tion of the pass­port office and saw her com­ing in the other dir­ec­tion, which is amaz­ing con­sid­er­ing the thou­sands of people in Glas­gow every day.so we shopped till we dropped and then went for lunch in Princes square , so much food that neither of us could fin­ish our plateful.

the wed­ding din­ner was beau­ti­ful , there were 50 tables each seat­ing 10 people, a bag­piper piped in the bride and groom , it was a won­der­ful mix of a ceilidh and a Sikh wed­ding. i got slightly sad watch­ing the bride and groom dance , they are so in love and i missed my Basil, but we had a lovely mar­riage and i have great memor­ies so i refuse to be sad. .……and i danced with other ladies , i think i may get gain­ful employ­ment as a belly dancer.

but please .no more curry for a while

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half way through today’s fest­iv­it­ies, photo of the bride and groom . break­fast then cere­mony then lunch, i have come home for a rest then din­ner tonight.

we could hear and orange walk going down the par­al­lel street and there is a huge march planned today demon­strat­ing solid­ar­ity between all of Glasgow’s races.a busy day in town.

used new cam­era and am not pleased with the sharp­ness but that is prob­ably because i am not used to it yet and it had to com­pete with odd lighting.

think i will have a wee sleep now as i was kept awake by upstairs dogs for hours last night as him upstairs was out till the wee small hours and the dogs barked non stop in his hall way just beside my bed­room wall.

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At some point tonight i was wear­ing one of those on my head and dan­cing.It was Jasmine’s san­geet, a sort of curry/singsong/dance with only a few close male rel­at­ives allowed and lots of beau­ti­fully sari-ed ladies.

for the first time ever i have felt a passing fear about being some­where. i have been to a Jew­ish wed­ding with armed guards on the door, i have been driven through some scary bits of new york, i have stood in oxford street and watched a robot about to dis­pose of an IRA bomb…until basil said “why are we stand­ing near an unex­ploded bomb” so we went into a base­ment cafe and had lunch.….…..i have worn green near a rangers foot­ball match and blue near a Celtic match but tonight i was just a wee bit wor­ried, i had driven to pais­ley town hall where the dance was but you can’t park near it so i was parked a wee bit away, that was fine a t 7 p.m. the dance was going on until 1 a.m. it was the large police van that was parked in front of the town hall that gave me my first qualms.…there was a sus­pect car near the hall.….i have never walked alone at night before i knew that one of Jasmine’s male rel­at­ives would walk me back to the car but does one want to be on the streets of pais­ley at mid­night with a per­son of Asian col­our­ing after what has been going on recently and a ter­ror­ist still in paisley’s local hos­pital. as it hap­pens it was still day­light this far north at 11.30 when i decided with another girl to leave and a Lady who lives near me also wanted to go home so we all walked to the cars together and i gave a lift to the nice lady, the streets were per­fectly quiet but a police car did go passed blue lights flashing.

the party was huge fun and i was so pleased to be dan­cing for Jas­mine, she was a delight­ful child and has grown into a beau­ti­ful woman, greatly in love with her groom who is her twin brother’s best friend.

oooh but the curry was hot !!

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