Dec 22 2007 05:41 pm
Posted by fifi under Uncategorized
winter solstice.…..days getting longer now.…an bad jokes
still a bit low but not as bad as last night.
went delivering gifts to people today and had lunch with older grandsons, Marisa has got a sudden large Christmas dinner to cook as her father in law has had a stroke and is in hospital so her mother in law is not up to it. just shows you that life can be very unexpected at times. which reminds me i must get the spare beds made up.
going to a small dinner party in upstairs flat tonight.
found a Christmas present under the tree for my niece today, i remember posting her one an having to hunt for what i had intended to get her , same with one of the grandsons there were two under the tree for him, must exercise my memory before i lose it altogether.
Trek News -The Financial Result
Net of expenses, we collectively raised more than UK?80,000 /US$160,000 in pure profit for the HOPE charity. This will make a huge difference to the kids at HOPE. .
today is the winter solstice.….….….…the days start to get longer tomorrow.
an lastly some jokes that will only be understood by those with a broad Scottish accent.….……translations available
While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: “What
would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?“
“I’d put him off at the next stop,” he says.
“Good. And what would you do if you couldn’t get the fare?“
“I’d take the first two weeks in August,” he replies.
A teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: “Can you come and
get me? I’ve missed the last bus and it’s pouring with rain.“
“Okay,” says her dad. “Where are you ringing from?“
And the girl says: “From the top of my head right down to my knickers.”
A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
“Comfy?” asks the dentist.
“Govan,” she replies.
What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor
Willie.
Did you hear about the lonely prisoner? He was in his cell.
A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: “How much for the set of
antlers?“
“Two hundred quid,” says the bloke behind the counter.
“That’s affa dear,” says the guy.
Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He’s
awa’ noo.
After announcing he’s getting married, a boy tells his pal he’ll be
wearing the kilt.
“And what’s the tartan?” asks his mate.
“Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress,” he replies.
Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq? Coo eight.
Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement. Which one’s a Musketeer? The
dark tan yin.
A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning his sister from a
telephone box so he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
is there money in the box?“
“Naw, it’s just me,” he replies.
While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband:
“Shug, do you think I’m getting a wee bit pigeon chested?“
And he says: “Aye, but that’s why I love you like a doo.”
What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy? Hawkeye The Noo.
What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A
skean dhu.
How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is
a lace missing.
“No,” argues the assistant, “look at the label - it says Taiwan.“
What’s the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep
farmer? The Rolling Stones say: “Hey you, get off of my cloud.“
And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: “Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.“
What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.
Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for
the toilets at Waverley Station? It’s called The Aw’ Needin’ Line.
What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?
The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.
Why was the Chinese restaurant so bad? Because the chef was Low Ping.
Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make negative - “Aye right.“
A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when
he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. “What’s up, Jimmy?“
he asks. “Piston broke,” he replies. “Aye, same as masel…“